Because I have a little bit of something to say.
You all know me, right?
I'm not old, right?
While I am done having children...I could have more, right?
If I so desired.
(which I don't--but that is not the point here)
I mean, my body isn't ready to shut down.
It's true, I am rounding the corner towards thirty five.
But,
Women still have babies at thirty five---even older than that, right?
Yes, it would be a geriatric pregnancy.
But a pregnancy all the same.
And a healthy one at that!
So....
WHY DID I GET THIS IN THE MAIL?
Phase II??
Are you joking me?
It says, and I quote:
"Whatever the condition, we take care of your body,
so you can fully enjoy 'the second phase' of your life."
Did I miss something?
I'm sorry, did I turn 70 and not notice?
Second phase? SECOND PHASE!?!?!
Now, when they say 'the second phase' of my life it leads me to believe they think there are only just the two.
Ex-squeeze me??
Am I half way done here?
ME THINKS NOT!!
And just in case you think it was some kind of mass mailer....
it wasn't.
Yup, that's right.
Addressed to little ole me.
Farmgirl.
(BTW, Does this mean I'm gonna have to change my name to Farmlady or something?)
Well, friends...
That's it.
I'm off to take some Centrum and play a little shuffle board before the kids get home from school and have to change my depends.
Catch you on the flip side!
Oh, wait--
apparently I'm already there.
You all know me, right?
I'm not old, right?
While I am done having children...I could have more, right?
If I so desired.
(which I don't--but that is not the point here)
I mean, my body isn't ready to shut down.
It's true, I am rounding the corner towards thirty five.
But,
Women still have babies at thirty five---even older than that, right?
Yes, it would be a geriatric pregnancy.
But a pregnancy all the same.
And a healthy one at that!
So....
WHY DID I GET THIS IN THE MAIL?
Phase II??Are you joking me?
It says, and I quote:
"Whatever the condition, we take care of your body,
so you can fully enjoy 'the second phase' of your life."
Did I miss something?
I'm sorry, did I turn 70 and not notice?
Second phase? SECOND PHASE!?!?!
Now, when they say 'the second phase' of my life it leads me to believe they think there are only just the two.
Ex-squeeze me??
Am I half way done here?
ME THINKS NOT!!
And just in case you think it was some kind of mass mailer....
it wasn't.Yup, that's right.
Addressed to little ole me.
Farmgirl.
(BTW, Does this mean I'm gonna have to change my name to Farmlady or something?)
Well, friends...
That's it.
I'm off to take some Centrum and play a little shuffle board before the kids get home from school and have to change my depends.
Catch you on the flip side!
Oh, wait--
apparently I'm already there.
12 comments:
can't.stop.laughing.
oh my gosh...this is the best thing I have read in a long time. Except for the fact that I am your same age and pregnant. That's a bit disheartening, not gonna lie.
still.laughing...
You might as well start eating some Activia right now!
Thanks for making my day. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants :)!!!
I'm going in to have my prostate checked this week.
Not to mention your black head of hair has NOT ONE, I repeat, NOT ONE grey hair......for the love.
P.S. Don't forget to schedule your annual mammogram?
farmlady- you know, if you're not 18, than, ppfffttt, forget it. over the hill you are. I don't know if I can be friends with someone who is older than Taylor Swift. Enjoy the 2nd phase of your life while I shop for my glittery lipgloss and text the night away.
You are right you CAN'T be old...because people born in 1975 are still very young!!! LOL ;)
Wait I gotta go get my bi-focles...
Ok, now I can type...
hold on I gotta get the Aleve for my Arthritis...
OK good to go...oh wait...
I gotta pee, again, I'll be right back...ready to comment...oh, just a sec I need to turn up my hearing aid in order to hear my fave mix-tape playing some Depeche Mode on ye old stereo...
OK, now I can comment on this absurd idea that we are getting old...
wait...
um...uh...hummmm....
what were we talking about?
;)
I think the only solution is to go out and get pregnant.
You show them who's not in Phase II yet.
Laughing out loud, i think I peed just a little, or maybe it was a slight bladder control issue. Who knows at my age.
Um, ya, you best go get prego again. But first you better fill the viagra prescription for your dear old hubby.
ewww...that was totally inappropriate. So sorry. I mean, how do I know that viagra isn't a real item on your shopping list? Sorry!
Hilarious!!! I will be watching for my mailer, seeing that I am in your "age group"!!! BTW-- loved your last post about your,-- I mean that one kid that turned 14!!!
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