Ready or Not, 37....here I am.

Somebody had a Birthday.....I've been 37 for a whole week now so I'm pretty much an expert on the subject.  It's good.  Let's have a little run down of the festivities, shall we??

I kicked it off the weekend before my big day.  My mom and sisters treated me (and themselves) to a "Queen for a Day" get away.  

 

We went to Salt Lake, got mani's, pedi's and facials, ate at Zupas, chilaxed in the hotel, relaxed in the hot tub, giggled the night away, had a lovely breakfast at Grand America buffet, enjoyed a trip to Ikea and headed home.  It was a super fun trip.

 

Upon my arrival home I found two things waiting for me.  

First, my Honey had been a very busy worker bee and had completed yet another stage of the kitchen remodel.

  

The stove used to be where the fridge is and the fridge was right next to the stove.  You don't really realize how important a little bit of counter space next to the stove is until you don't have it....um, ya it's important.  So, he did a switch-a-roo and built that base cabinet.  He also put an outlet at the island in the kitchen, another big deal for me.  In short, he completed my triangle of power in the kitchen.

I love being married to such a handy guy.

Okay, so I found this picture Adam took at Christmas time to show Sam some of the work we've done...it's the only before picture I have but it kinda gives you an idea of what it looked like before--oh, and btw just on the other side of the stove is the doorway to the hall.  Also not a fan of the stove next to an open doorway, I was always worried about the kids knocking a pan on the floor.

Second thing waiting for me, a package had arrived in the mail.  

It was a gift from my beloved St. George Pack of Chicks, my book group. 

 

 That's right, friends and neighbors, they all pitched in and bought me a Kindle.

Dear Pack of Chicks,

You are all the best.  

You gave me more than the gift of keeping up in book group, 

every time I pick up that sassy-red covered kindle I know you love me.  

And that means an awful lot.

Thank You.

Love Always,

your farmgirl

 On to the big day.  February 8.

Here I am in all my Birthday glory.  

And, yes, in case you were wondering I did not do my hair or even put in my contacts--it's my birthday and I'll look like I want to!  

But don't worry too much, I did get my hair cut the very next day.  

A much needed and much loved cut.

Thanks Amanda!

 

 My mom and I saw this super cute cupcake holder...and she went and bought it for me.

My mom and Amanda made some super fan-diddly-tastic cupcakes.

Can you say peanut butter cup in the middle?

Oh, yes!!  Delish.

Audrey disappeared into her room after school that day.

She reappeared at 7 pm with this new church bag she made for me.

She is a sewing super star thanks to her great aunt.

(and I do mean officially her great aunt, my aunt. 

who really is a GREAT -as in terrific- aunt too!) 

  

 Super cute.  

She knows I have to have a purse with a long strap so I can wear it across  one shoulder, 

so she made me a church bag with the same thing.  I love it.

And...this was actually a Valentine present...Mike made me a recipe box.

He's been selling them on etsy and now I have one of my very own.

Elsie's card absolutely made my day.

Mom is Great So Give Her A Chocolate Cake.

You said it Sister, and don't anybody forget it!

 

The best part is that I look like I am super skinny & I love how my left foot is turned in.

I'm keeping this card right where I can see it every day.

All this plus lots of love and a few more fabulous gifts....

37, I am ready.

BuSt a MoVe

please ignore the super messy boy room

(it doesn't always look like that...

sometimes it's even worse.)

and enjoy some sweet moves.

Good Things.

•  I fixed a dinner last night that all (minus one) of my family LOVED.  Score Me!  Enchilada Layered Casserole, I put it on the Food Blog.

• I updated the ole Food Blog.  Good stuff going on over there. Good things like:  Baking Powder Biscuits, Pancakes, Natalie's Peanut Butter Bars, Bread Sticks, Bean Casserole & Enchilada Layered Casserole.  Yup, I've been a busy girl.

• Me Mum and I found this super cool lamp at the DI.  Only $3!!  Sure it was brass, but that was an easy fix.  Nothing a bit of spray paint couldn't take care of. I love the leaded glass.

• My super-duper-clever-clever-toilet-lever table.  I rearranged my front room after Christmas.  I needed another little something to pull the room together and I came up with this little genius idea.  I used the old milk can I had out on the front porch for the base and a giant sized cutting board Mike made for me forever ago that I am not using right now (not enough counter space in the kitchen) for the top. A little weird?  Maybe.  But I love it.

• The wood burning stove.  My love for this little amenity runs deep and pure.When it's a brisk 0* outside--yes, that's right ZERO!!  I am warm and toasty in my snug little wood burning stove heated abode.

• Hot Chocolate.  There is one thing that is an absolute must for a cup of really good Hot Chocolate...hot cocoa mix from the cannery.  Seriously, it's the best.  The other really important item I'm afraid most of you won't be able to get....raw milk.  It's a great combo.  If the opportunity ever comes along to enjoy some....take it.

• The fact that for the most part Grant entertains himself.  Today his project was a railroad/bridge track.  He was proud as a peacock.  Have I mentioned I adore this kid?

• And for my last "good things" item of the day....Good Peeps.  Listen, here's the deal--I know I'm crazy.  But I'd like to thank you all for not pointing that out to me on a regular basis.

Blog-Journal...or blajournal, if you will.

I don't know that I really plan on posting this. But I do know I tend to think better when I write, so I decided to just get everything that's been rattling around in my head out. So for now I am writing in my Blog Journal--or blajournal. Here goes....

I don't know for sure if I really do battle depression or if these last three years of self/un-employment have just worn me down. Either way I do seem to see a running theme over the last three years: December is an incredibly tough month for me. Remember this? A farmgirl's tale. The fact that it is December, the month of joy and good will to all men really just makes me feel even more guilty that I'm struggling. And it's not because I can't afford some huge amazing Christmas for my kids, because that's just not me.

I think maybe it's the closing of another year, it's the only time of the year that I stop long enough to turn around, look back and think to myself "Really? We are still doing this? How is it we have not learned whatever it is we need to so that we can move past this particular trial?". It makes me tired. I get worn out.

I fight it, really I do. But I seem to have a Summer Home in the Pit of Despair (or winter home, as the case may be). Sometimes the Summer Home just seems easier than my real life--so I go for a short visit and end up staying for a really long time.

And there, in the Pit of Despair, I tell myself things in an attempt to get me to go home, like "For crying out loud! What is wrong with you? You have an amazing family and friends, a roof over your head, nobody is going hungry. You're not the woman who has lost a child, or has cancer, or suffered the death of a spouse, or divorce. What is wrong with you?" But, at the end I always add, "You are so ungrateful." And then I feel even more guilty that I'm the loser that is complaining about such stupid menial things. I feel defeated and I decide to stay for just a little while longer there in the depths of the Pit of Despair.

My visit this year was longer than normal and I ventured deeper than I have before. My sweet beloved, Mikey, even came for a short visit while I was there. But he didn't stay long, because he's good like that.

Almost a week ago is when I was swimming at the bottom of the deep end. I felt alone and forgotten. Not by people, because I have some pretty great people in my life. But just in my life in general. I could not understand why I needed to suffer so much. Was this the plan for me? Why weren't things changing? We had been doing our absolute best. Seriously. Our best. And if I knew how to give up I just might have.

But that's not who I am either.
I'm an Idaho farmgirl and we hoe to the end of the row.
Even if the ground is really hard.

And the thought came to me, "What if it doesn't change? What if the changes I want to happen never do? Am I going to live here in my Summer Home in the Pit of Despair forever? Some how I have got to figure out a way to be happy no matter what."

And that was as far as I got.
For a few days. I was trying to figure out how I was going to be happy if things never changed, if we never did find a steady income. I still cried and felt sad and worried, but at least I was feeling something. I was getting ready to pack my bags.

Let's not forget amongst all of this internal turmoil of me living in my Summer Home in the Pit of Despair that I am still 'Mom' and 'YW president' and 'Wife' and 'friend' and 'sister' and 'daughter'. Thank heaven for all of that. On some level I had to function, because remember? I don't know how to give up entirely.

I had to teach YW's today. I didn't want to. The lesson was on the Atonement. And I was stumped. I know the Atonement, I've felt the blessings of the Atonement in my life many times. But I certainly hadn't been feeling it recently. Not for a while.

And then I realized that wasn't the Lord's fault, it was mine.
He is the constant.
I'm the crazy one.

I told my mom about my struggle with my lesson and she pulled out a book for me to look at. It's called The Gift of the Atonement, favorite writings on the Atonement and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. And in this book I found a quote she had marked by Sherri Dew (who doesn't love Sherri Dew?) Sister Dew is talking about a particularly difficult trial she had gone through, she says:
"I pleaded with the Lord to change my circumstances, because I knew I could never be happy until he did. Instead, he changed my heart. I asked him to take away my burden, but he strengthened me so that I could bear my burdens with ease."

And that is how I felt. I didn't seem to have any plans of being happy until my circumstances changed, hence the Thumper's Mother post. I had made a deal with the Lord: "I'll be happy when my life is easier. I have tried and tried and tried and I plan to be happy when my circumstances change." I was wrong. I can be happy.
With the Lord's help I can do hard things.
All things are possible to him {or her} that believeth (Mark 9:23).

And another quote by Janet Lee:
"If we expect mountains to move, seas to part, thunder to cease, and blinding light to point the way, we will miss the Savior's offering, his gift of comfort and peace."

I am going to try to stop waiting for the mountains to move, the thunder to cease and the blinding light to point the way. Instead I will try to find a piece of peace every day.
I don't expect it will be easy, worth while things rarely are.
But I am trying.
I still feel raw. And fragile.
But I think that's okay.

Okay, so I've decided to post this.
Cuz, you know, I don't want my peeps
worrying about me.
All 5 of you that still read this any way.
I can't promise cute and clever.
But I will keep at this when
it works for me.
peace out.

Thumper's Mother said it best.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
And so, I think I will follow her advice.
I am done here.
At least for now.

I am too tired-too worn out- to put a cute, clever positive spin on my life.
I'll be back when I'm better.

Excited yet?

My kiddies are.

Exhibit A:
the whiteboard.


But, let's take a look at the bigger picture.

That's right, the BIG countdown is for
our trip back to the old stomping grounds.

I think we're all pretty excited.
Sunny St. G --- here we come!
:o)

It's that Special time of Year again...

That time of year that makes me smile like this....

And dress like this....

(same amazing outfit 4 days straight)

And teach the newbies how to get in touch
with their chocolate center.
Like this....

(sorry Emma, your secret is out. playing hookie has a price.)

And watch the pro.
Like this...

And hang with a few of my family besties.
Like this...
(unfortunately i did not get photo documentation of my SIL's)

And this...

(oh, wait...we hang together every day)
;O)

And this...

(my bestest little sis that brings out the very strangest within me)

Mmmm...Chocolates 2011.

Four FULL days.
Over 2000 Chocolates
amongst the bunch of us.

And to think...we actually considered canceling this year.
Might as well Cancel Christmas all together
if Chocolates aren't a part of it.

The thing about Chocolates...and running.

Yesterday marked the beginning of Chocolates 2011.
(cutting back in quantity this year, by a lot.
in this case no friends is really working out for me)
Anyhoo, I couldn't help but notice as I was dressing for the occasion the similarities of my attire for Chocolate-ing in the cold and Running in the cold.

*heavy duty footless tights? check
*comfy pants? check
*multiple layers of shirts? check
*favorite warm hoodie? check
*fancy, not to mention mucho attractive, bandana? check

Really, the only difference is a sports bra and foot wear.
I opted for the super warm comfy boots instead of my trusty asics.
Not that I've done any running in the cold, or the hot, or anything else lately...
just saying I had a moment of
"Hey, I remember these clothes."

That's all.

Thank You, School District.

Have I mentioned our 4 day school week? I have?? Well, I quite like it.
School 7:15-4:30, Monday-Thursday is a busy crunch to get everything in, but well worth the trade off.
I have said more than once that we have Monday-Thursday, 2 Saturdays & Sunday.
It's kind of handy when I start to panic about Sunday church stuff on Saturday to I realize it's just Friday and I still have one more day to get my junk in order. I like that.

However,
sometimes by Sunday evening I am ready to send the troops a packin'.
That feeling has intensified as the Holiday Season has drawn out.
Excitement is in the air. And we are feeling it.
As we speak the children are making a chart of
'How many hours 'til Christmas'.
Please tell me we are not planning on crossing it off hourly. Please.
It would seem the excitement is making some of us lose our minds.
Some of us are either running around like banshees, yelling, fighting or laughing hysterically.
Mind losing. It's a common theme here in farmgirl land.

And so, this is the part where I would like to publicly thank the school district for keeping my children all nestled in their desks until the afternoon of December 22.

Thank You, School District.
Much appreciated.

Clever, clever Toilet lever.

Before we talk about 'Clever, clever Toilet lever' let's talk about 'Rainbows and Unicorns'--which my life is not. Really, who's is? I spent a few days in a 'funk', as my beloved calls it. And, well, I'm feeling a bit better now. Thanks for asking.
And now, on with the show!

Clever, clever Toilet lever.

What's so clever, clever toilet lever--you ask? Something so clever and cute you are sure to be amazed. Okay, I know the suspense is killing you so I'll just show you!

Tah-Dah!!
Stocking holder thingy extraordinaire!!
Is that not just fan-diddly-tastic!?!
Want to see it from another angle?? Well, Okay.


I, of course, cannot take credit for this fabulous idea. Amanda passed it along to me. She found it on pinterest. Pinterest intrigues me....but I vow to have my life a wee bit more in order before I plunge into the massive time suck I'm afraid pinterest would be.

Anyhoo, there ya be. Clever, clever toilet lever-- right?