The vent.

Is it a grand idea to blog when I'm feeling some what down in the dumps?
Probably not.
Am I going to do it any way?
Probably yup.

I'm feeling worn out.  Tired.  Sometimes (most times actually) I deal with poverty well.
And other times...not so much.
So there.  I'm human.
I just want to feel "normal" sometimes.  What ever "normal" is.
I don't want to tell my kids no or later to everything they ask about.  And they aren't asking for much...face wash, a couple dollars here or there for this or that, toothpaste -for sensitive teeth.
I want to walk in the grocery store and just, you know...buy food.
Its been so long since I just put food in the cart I can't even remember what it feels like.
Everything I put in the cart is added up in my head and I know exactly what I can spend and I do not go over.  I can't go over.  There is no 'blowing the budget'.  It's not a bad thing, it's actually a good thing to know how to stick to a budget, I'm just tired.
I'd like to pick up something frivolous like cold cereal, bananas, yogurt or pudding for the kids.
You know, spend more than $20/week.  Cuz that's what I spend.
Well that's what I'm spending lately.
Mike's only been working one day/week and frankly it's not enough.
Just doesn't cut the mustard.
It's barely enough to keep gas in the car to get to and from work let alone pay bills or buy fancy things like meat or peanut butter.
Grrr, just frustrated here.
And btw, I think I need to stay out of public as much as possible.  Really, it makes me feel so much worse.  People are just being normal people doing normal people things and talking about normal people stuff.  But sometimes I just want to scream...Really?  REALLY??  Does any member of your household have a full time job?  Because my dearest and I TOGETHER do not have a full time job.  PAH-LEASE.
I feel like I am in a sinking ship and I am tired of bailing out the water.

Okay, deep breath here.
Deep breath in and out.
In and out.
In and out.

Its just gotten really hard this last little while.  As long as Mike works about three days a week we can stay on top of things.  But we need those three days.  And we are not getting them.

I am working longer shifts right now and we will get our taxes all figured out and hopefully get a lovely little return.

But none of that is now.  I only get paid once a month so it'll be a good six weeks before we see the effects of a longer shift and our taxes are slower than I anticipated. Although, I can't complain there...one of the nicest people in the whole wide world takes care of our taxes and I understand that we are not top priority.  I'm just feeling anxious. And I'm not a good waiter.

I am not a good waiter AT ALL.  Truth be told I hate and I do mean HATE living my life in 'The Waiting Place'.  The waiting place is killing me right now.  It is a slow and painful death.

Okay, enough weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Oh, and we do have a plan.  Or the beginnings of a plan.
Things will all work out in the end, it's just not the end yet.
Thank Goodness for that.

One more thing, I know I need to get a grip.
I will.  I just needed a moment to vent.
Don't really want to complain to Mikey.  He is already painfully aware of the situation.
So thanks for letting me release.
I need to feel the love.

Peace out.