Last Week....
Me: cry out in frustration
My Peeps: rally. send up please blesses.
Windows of Heaven: OPEN
Blessings: pour down
Me: fill with gratitude. know that I am loved and life is blessed
Things work. Thank you. More later. Work to get to.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
The vent.
Is it a grand idea to blog when I'm feeling some what down in the dumps?
Probably not.
Am I going to do it any way?
Probably yup.
I'm feeling worn out. Tired. Sometimes (most times actually) I deal with poverty well.
And other times...not so much.
So there. I'm human.
I just want to feel "normal" sometimes. What ever "normal" is.
I don't want to tell my kids no or later to everything they ask about. And they aren't asking for much...face wash, a couple dollars here or there for this or that, toothpaste -for sensitive teeth.
I want to walk in the grocery store and just, you know...buy food.
Its been so long since I just put food in the cart I can't even remember what it feels like.
Everything I put in the cart is added up in my head and I know exactly what I can spend and I do not go over. I can't go over. There is no 'blowing the budget'. It's not a bad thing, it's actually a good thing to know how to stick to a budget, I'm just tired.
I'd like to pick up something frivolous like cold cereal, bananas, yogurt or pudding for the kids.
You know, spend more than $20/week. Cuz that's what I spend.
Well that's what I'm spending lately.
Mike's only been working one day/week and frankly it's not enough.
Just doesn't cut the mustard.
It's barely enough to keep gas in the car to get to and from work let alone pay bills or buy fancy things like meat or peanut butter.
Grrr, just frustrated here.
And btw, I think I need to stay out of public as much as possible. Really, it makes me feel so much worse. People are just being normal people doing normal people things and talking about normal people stuff. But sometimes I just want to scream...Really? REALLY?? Does any member of your household have a full time job? Because my dearest and I TOGETHER do not have a full time job. PAH-LEASE.
I feel like I am in a sinking ship and I am tired of bailing out the water.
Okay, deep breath here.
Deep breath in and out.
In and out.
In and out.
Its just gotten really hard this last little while. As long as Mike works about three days a week we can stay on top of things. But we need those three days. And we are not getting them.
I am working longer shifts right now and we will get our taxes all figured out and hopefully get a lovely little return.
But none of that is now. I only get paid once a month so it'll be a good six weeks before we see the effects of a longer shift and our taxes are slower than I anticipated. Although, I can't complain there...one of the nicest people in the whole wide world takes care of our taxes and I understand that we are not top priority. I'm just feeling anxious. And I'm not a good waiter.
I am not a good waiter AT ALL. Truth be told I hate and I do mean HATE living my life in 'The Waiting Place'. The waiting place is killing me right now. It is a slow and painful death.
Okay, enough weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Oh, and we do have a plan. Or the beginnings of a plan.
Things will all work out in the end, it's just not the end yet.
Thank Goodness for that.
One more thing, I know I need to get a grip.
I will. I just needed a moment to vent.
Don't really want to complain to Mikey. He is already painfully aware of the situation.
So thanks for letting me release.
I need to feel the love.
Peace out.
Probably not.
Am I going to do it any way?
Probably yup.
I'm feeling worn out. Tired. Sometimes (most times actually) I deal with poverty well.
And other times...not so much.
So there. I'm human.
I just want to feel "normal" sometimes. What ever "normal" is.
I don't want to tell my kids no or later to everything they ask about. And they aren't asking for much...face wash, a couple dollars here or there for this or that, toothpaste -for sensitive teeth.
I want to walk in the grocery store and just, you know...buy food.
Its been so long since I just put food in the cart I can't even remember what it feels like.
Everything I put in the cart is added up in my head and I know exactly what I can spend and I do not go over. I can't go over. There is no 'blowing the budget'. It's not a bad thing, it's actually a good thing to know how to stick to a budget, I'm just tired.
I'd like to pick up something frivolous like cold cereal, bananas, yogurt or pudding for the kids.
You know, spend more than $20/week. Cuz that's what I spend.
Well that's what I'm spending lately.
Mike's only been working one day/week and frankly it's not enough.
Just doesn't cut the mustard.
It's barely enough to keep gas in the car to get to and from work let alone pay bills or buy fancy things like meat or peanut butter.
Grrr, just frustrated here.
And btw, I think I need to stay out of public as much as possible. Really, it makes me feel so much worse. People are just being normal people doing normal people things and talking about normal people stuff. But sometimes I just want to scream...Really? REALLY?? Does any member of your household have a full time job? Because my dearest and I TOGETHER do not have a full time job. PAH-LEASE.
I feel like I am in a sinking ship and I am tired of bailing out the water.
Okay, deep breath here.
Deep breath in and out.
In and out.
In and out.
Its just gotten really hard this last little while. As long as Mike works about three days a week we can stay on top of things. But we need those three days. And we are not getting them.
I am working longer shifts right now and we will get our taxes all figured out and hopefully get a lovely little return.
But none of that is now. I only get paid once a month so it'll be a good six weeks before we see the effects of a longer shift and our taxes are slower than I anticipated. Although, I can't complain there...one of the nicest people in the whole wide world takes care of our taxes and I understand that we are not top priority. I'm just feeling anxious. And I'm not a good waiter.
I am not a good waiter AT ALL. Truth be told I hate and I do mean HATE living my life in 'The Waiting Place'. The waiting place is killing me right now. It is a slow and painful death.
Okay, enough weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Oh, and we do have a plan. Or the beginnings of a plan.
Things will all work out in the end, it's just not the end yet.
Thank Goodness for that.
One more thing, I know I need to get a grip.
I will. I just needed a moment to vent.
Don't really want to complain to Mikey. He is already painfully aware of the situation.
So thanks for letting me release.
I need to feel the love.
Peace out.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
A thousand drops of water.
We all know I'm not so techno savvy, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that I haven't changed much on my phone since I got it.
The setting it came with to notify me of a text or a post on my face book wall is a drop of water.
My birthday was filled with the sound of water drops.
The drops of water started at 5:30 in the AM and didn't stop until, well...after I feel asleep that night.
I felt loved. It was a good day.
And because I have very little shame I will share with you the photos my kiddos took to remember the day....
Aren't I a beauty?
Yes, I still had to go to work on the big day...
that's okay, we had cupcakes for lunch.
Awaiting the big b-day gift reveal.
Mikey and the kids gave me an electric blanket.
Umm, hello?!?
Best thing ever.
EVER.
When I say EVER I mean really EVER,
like...where have you been all my life?
And btw doesn't Mike look so excited for me to open it?
He loves me.
This pic is to document that I have matches on my cake.
Classy.
Nothing says party like burning the house down with 38 matches.
(and just in case any of the pack of chicks are reading
and/or wondering...
yes, that is indeed the shirt from our wicked trip a
mere 5+ years ago. what? I like it)
And finally we have my super awesome cake.
One of my YW made it for me.
Chocolate Goodness.
I said I like chocolate and she delivered.
The punks made and decorated sugar cookies while I was at work,
but we didn't get a picture of the
"Happy B-day Mom!"
cookie line up.
It was pretty great.
A good day all around.
38...here I come.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Guess Who....??
Up until about three weeks ago when she read one
of her highschool besties
blog about this bestie's daughter
talking about her mother
turning 38
this year
actually thought she was turning
37
this year?
As in, she's been 36 for the
last eleven months
and will be celebrating
her 37th birthday in just two days.
Not, that she has been 37 for the last
eleven months and is turning the
ripe old age of
38
in a mere two days.
Guess who??
Come on, just guess!!
Umm...did you guess this girl:
Cuz, you'd be right!
And that's what my face looked like
when I realized I've been thinking I
was 36 all this time.
Peeps, I've aged a year in just three weeks.
Hello!?!
It's a crying shame to need to age so quickly.
Maybe if I thought about my age a little more
often these sorts of things
wouldn't be such a shock to me.
But, you know how it is...
once you reach a certain point in life
you just don't really think about how old you
are on a regular basis.
(p.s. that 'point in life' being when people quit
asking or guessing cuz they assume it's
just not something they should
bring up--cuz YOUR OLD)
(p.s. that 'point in life' being when people quit
asking or guessing cuz they assume it's
just not something they should
bring up--cuz YOUR OLD)
Eh, well.
I spose I can rock 38
just as well as I could rock
37 the second time around.
Monday, February 4, 2013
My beef with toilet paper holders.
I know, this is totally random.
I know, really I do--that probably nobody is loosing any sleep wondering about my beef with toilet paper holders.
But...this is my blog so here I go:
Granted, I don't get out much. That's no secret. In fact, Walmart, Sam's Club and Home Depot are about the extent of my store venturing. And I only go to Home Depot with Mikey on our super hot dates, cuz we're cool and awesome like that (and yes, running errands is the date).
Here is my observation about public restrooms, all the toilet paper holders are hung so as to dispense the paper at toilet seat level...or below. Do you get what I'm saying here? Too low, People. TOO LOW.
Now, I do understand that I am a wee bit taller than the average gal. But, when we are sitting down aren't we all roughly the same? Really, who needs the toilet paper that low?
Not a big fan of the bending way over to retrieve the toilet paper.
Just sayin'.
FYI saying just sayin' drives Mike crazy. If you ever want to make him a little nuts just say just sayin' after you say something. It's pretty entertaining. Actually, he mostly hates it because it is slightly overused by our eldest child.
Just sayin'.
And just so you have a real firm grip on how totally random this is, I haven't even been to Logan (where all these fancy stores are located) for almost 2 weeks.
Hello?? Random City, population: farmgirl.
And while we are discussing randomness, how did I ever become so popular? I am smart enough to know that if I want to blog I should get it done while the punks are at school, but I figured this would only take a minute--which, btw, it would of if I hadn't been interrupted a minimum of 74 times. And how do they know I am doing something? Or I'm on the phone?
I swear if I sat and watched dust collect on the shelf nobody would say Boo to me, but the second I make a move toward something I need a little concentration for --BAM-- Miss Popularity.
See, I always knew Class of '93 lacked vision. I'm totally Most Popular material.
I know, really I do--that probably nobody is loosing any sleep wondering about my beef with toilet paper holders.
But...this is my blog so here I go:
Granted, I don't get out much. That's no secret. In fact, Walmart, Sam's Club and Home Depot are about the extent of my store venturing. And I only go to Home Depot with Mikey on our super hot dates, cuz we're cool and awesome like that (and yes, running errands is the date).
Here is my observation about public restrooms, all the toilet paper holders are hung so as to dispense the paper at toilet seat level...or below. Do you get what I'm saying here? Too low, People. TOO LOW.
Now, I do understand that I am a wee bit taller than the average gal. But, when we are sitting down aren't we all roughly the same? Really, who needs the toilet paper that low?
Not a big fan of the bending way over to retrieve the toilet paper.
Just sayin'.
FYI saying just sayin' drives Mike crazy. If you ever want to make him a little nuts just say just sayin' after you say something. It's pretty entertaining. Actually, he mostly hates it because it is slightly overused by our eldest child.
Just sayin'.
And just so you have a real firm grip on how totally random this is, I haven't even been to Logan (where all these fancy stores are located) for almost 2 weeks.
Hello?? Random City, population: farmgirl.
And while we are discussing randomness, how did I ever become so popular? I am smart enough to know that if I want to blog I should get it done while the punks are at school, but I figured this would only take a minute--which, btw, it would of if I hadn't been interrupted a minimum of 74 times. And how do they know I am doing something? Or I'm on the phone?
I swear if I sat and watched dust collect on the shelf nobody would say Boo to me, but the second I make a move toward something I need a little concentration for --BAM-- Miss Popularity.
See, I always knew Class of '93 lacked vision. I'm totally Most Popular material.
p.s.
i am so glad you can
all embrace the crazy
that lives in my
brain and love
me any way
:o) Peace out.